That Time My Date Discovered My Blog

It's a hazard of blog-keeping we all fear. Discovery By the Worst Possible Person(tm).

I have not actually been dating since the start of the blog (due to various things, including a lack of prospective dates and a head cold that keeps coming back with a vengeance) but I still have stories from my past. The end of 2005 especially contained a few dates that were part of a misguided attempt to get over my ex long-term boyfriend. These are the sorts of dates you can't bring yourself to care about but force yourself to go on in an attempt to prove that you are not so shattered and damaged and incapable of ever liking another human being again. It's a mistake but it's part of the healing process.

I had one such date on night in late 2005, at the same time I was writing actively in my Livejournal, which at that point I was naive enough to keep public. This guy, let's call him NetNerd, was from OkCupid.com. He seemed nice enough and liked the same music as me. His two photos were slightly blurry and angled in that Myspacey-"I'm taking this myself" sort of way that didn't show much of what he'd actually look like.

NetNerd talked me into a date. We were IMing one night. He'd asked me out once and I refused, saying I didn't think we had much in common, but he messaged me to tell me about some upcoming concert and asked again. He insisted, citing music and movies, we had plenty in common, and I agreed to meet for drinks.

Before the date, I went to my Livejournal to update with a bulletin-list of recent stuff, including a concert that I'd just gone too and my new haircut. This appeared in the middle of the list:

--Have a date tonight but I'm not exactly excited. He's kind of funny but he's not that attractive and I don't think he's really my type. All the same, I haven't got anything better to do and it beats sitting at home again.--

Hours later, we met at the Pub. He was late (I hate that!) and when he came walking up to me, I was not attracted to him in the least. I decided to have a quick beer and go home. We got a table and some beers. I wasn't hungry but he insisted on ordering food, which meant I'd have to stay while he ate or be rude and walk out in the middle of his meal. Well, whatever. He probably could have waited, downed a beer (beer's filling right?) and eat after the date was done, but no. Then he had to send back his meal because the sauce had bacon and he was Jewish and kept kosher. I will say that he handled it politely and tipped the server nicely, but first dates are awkward enough. Suddenly one person is eating and then has to send their food back... it just complicates things when we were only meeting for a drink in the first place.

He had one obnoxious habit that made me want to deck him: all his opinions seemed to come from something he read on the web. Details are fuzzy now, but I remember being annoyed that every time I said anything he answered with a matter-of-fact statement that seemed to settle the issue. If I liked a movie, he would say, "Well, it was written by so-and-so and got great reviews. If I thought an album was brilliant, he'd say something like "Their first album was great but then they adopted the style of X and Y, and kicked Z out of the band, and that's why the vocals on track 3 don't quite sound the same as Track 8," etc. etc. And I wanted to scream. I felt like I'd walked in an Entertainment Snob convention and found the one guy who wanted to lecture me on anything I enjoyed based on internet reviews. NetNerd's answer to anything was Google or Wikipedia, a habit I'd noticed during our brief IMing (wherein he'd send me a link when I asked a question), and yet hadn't realized could be so frustrated face-to-face.

Needless to say, I did not have fun. I scooted out of the date as soon as he was done with his dinner. I went home, opened a beer and cooked a pizza, and wished I hadn't gone at all.

Two days later, an anonymous comment appeared on the LJ Entry. It asked, ominously, "Hey, can we get a post-date rap up?" with no signature below it. Immediately, I thought it was NetNerd and then I told myself it was just a friend without an LJ account. That night he IM'd me again. I didn't respond to the comment.

"I had a great time with you the other night," he said. "And I have a confession to make." My stomach sank. I knew then it was him. "I found your LJ."

"Oh?" I asked.

"I googled your IM name which is also your e-mail and then found your LJ," NetNerd explained. "I noticed you said I wasn't attractive and you didn't want to go on the date."

Busted.

I managed to smooth it over. I attributed the "not attractive" comments to his poor photographs. "You look much better in person," I lied, "you should take new photos." I said the "not wanting to go" was mostly laziness due to the cold weather and a bit because I was still getting over that summer's break up.

He seemed to accept this because he asked me out again. Talk about glutton for punishment. I declined, saying that I just wasn't over my ex enough to date again, as our Pub Date had shown me. I apologized for the journal comments and wished him luck in his romantic pursuits.

Later that month, I went through my LJ and locked all the entries to a "friends-only" setting. I realized that anonymity on the net is fleeting, especially if one is careless, and that dating guys from the net might not be a good idea.

This blog is a catharsis; it allows to write about my experiences honestly and get feedback from others. I shutter in horror that someday I will be in a serious relationship and my guy will stumble across this blog and find out that I'm really a shallow, petty, insecure wreck. But I comfort myself by remembering any guy who loves me and sticks with me long term will already know these things and like me anyhow.

It's a risk I'm willing to take in order to chronicle these events and perhaps gain a better perspective on myself. Besides, I love reading about other people's dating horrors and sharing my own. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one out there who's not great at dating or get confused or has no idea what slimhole some of these jerks crawl of.