Guys Who Don't Get the Hint

Reading about Charming, But Single's dilemma with a guy who will not get a clue and go away reminded me of a similar experience I had.

I have a tendency to meet guys in bars, which translates into a tendency to meet weirdos and assholes. Yes, good guys hang out in bars too, but I am an obnoxious jerk magnet. Two years ago, I made a huge mistake. Upset about stuff in my personal life, as well stressed about my job and depressed in general, I went to a bar to drink away the blues. One bloody mary turned into four until the pages of my book were too blurry to read. I switched to beer. A guy sat next to me and we started talking. He'd been to Japan, which I thought was interesting, and we joked about his culture shock across the Pacific. He wasn't very attractive (he had lips like Angelina Jolie's which is not attractive on men) and shifty eyes. But I was pretty drunk and horny. I went to his place to "watch a movie".

The sex was horrible. It was drunken, lousy, awful sex. Sloppy and sickening. When it was over, I threw on my skirt and ran out the door, as he protested that I should stay so we could do it again. As someone wise in these matters once said, As If!

I must have given him my number before the before we left the bar or something, since I had his number in my phone as well. That was my second mistake. He called me the next night. (Why don't the cool guys do that?) I didn't answer. He called the day after. I let it ring. After four-straight days of him calling me, I picked up and curtly said, "What?"

"I wanted to see if you wanted to go get a drink or something," he said calmly.

"Um, no thanks." He asked again, coaxing me to go out. "I really don't think it's a good idea," I insisted.

"Fine!" he said and slammed down the phone.

Weird-o. But I thought that was the end of it. I deleted his number. Only he called again that night at 3 am, obviously drunk. "Stop calling me!" I yelled. "The other night was a drunken mistake. I don't want to see you again." I hung up.

He called again several times (often late hours of the night) for about two weeks. I just stopped answering and he didn't leave messages. Eventually, he quit calling and I wiped my hands of it. I ran into him again once in Buffalo's, the bar where we met, but I was with friends and I didn't do more than glance his direction. Before he could speak, I slipped back behind my pals and he didn't have the guts to approach me in the group.

Three months later my phone rang at about seven pm on a Saturday. I didn't recognize the number so I answered (my friends have the habit of calling me from new phones) and guess who it was? "It's BadOneNightStandGuy," he said. "I've been out of town for a month but now I'm back. Do you want to go get a beer?"

Talk about clueless. No asshat, I want you to be shot into the Sun so there's no chance of ever hearing from you again. "No, I don't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to see you again," I said as nicely as I could. "I told you before, it was a huge mistake, I was too drunk to make that sort of decision, and I'm not interested in you."

"Well FUCK YOU!" he screamed and slammed down the phone. He's never called me again.

Part of me thinks he actually figured it out months before this final call and this was his sense of closure or something. It didn't shake me; it made me feel sorry for him. He was obviously a bit delusional. I thought it was the chicks who got attatched after sex, not the guys! What the hell?

Sadly, thes are the sorts of men I tend to attract: guys who date me once or twice and suddenly think I'm their girlfriend and they can't live without me. It sounds cocky but it's not like it sounds: these guys are slightly off, needy, and co-dependent. I end up with semi-stalkers and guys who are way too in love with me before they know me at all. It's creepy. Well, either that or guys who are fantastic but don't like me back. I can't seem to hit the middle of that spectrum to find a happy medium of requited love.

le sigh