I spoke too soon regarding the lack of OkCupid mail despite having indicated an "unavailable" status. (Which is still untrue, sadly, but am taking a break from internet dating.)
Again I logged in via taking a quiz and there were 3 new messages. None of them acknowledge that it says "seeing someone" in bold letters at the top of my profile rather than "single". Perhaps they're hoping I'll break up, log on, and in a desperate attempt to find a rebounder contact them for a one night stand. I don't know.
The first two are the standard "you're cool, check my profile and write me back!" letters. One doesn't have a photo and the other lives hours away but is "moving here soon". I understand the impulse to make friends in a new city before you move there but really, I'm not interested.
The third was from a married man who explains he has a "polyamorous relationship" and is looking for someone he can "enjoy over dinner and in the bedroom". He writes:
I don't want a one night stand, nothing cheap, but it doesn't have to be serious. I'm not too demanding. Basically, I want a woman who is whip-smart, attractive, like-minded, and a friend that I can share some laughs with, some thoughts, and some sensual moments.
Um, no thanks. (Nevermind the married thing, he's fifteen years older than me and not attractive at all). At least he's open about the situation rather than prowling for women under the guise of singledom only to let them in on his lifestyle after a few dates and/or sleeping with them.
I'm happy for people who can sucessfully be in these sorts of open relationships. If it makes them happy, good for them. But I will never understand it. No, humans are not biologically prone to monogamy, or they weren't thousands of years ago. Nowadays we have a society in which monogamy is standard and typical (at least in theory).
Call me selfish, but I want a man who is enough for me and vice versa. My few boyfriends have been guys that I really liked (one that I loved) so much that when I was with them, the idea of being with other people wasn't appealing. Sure, I loved to look at other attractive guys and was still as flirty as usual (it's just part of my personality, damn it!), but the only guy I wanted to be with was the boyfriend. He was allowed to check out other women too - the looking or even mild friendly flirting is perfectly fine. Crossing that line and getting physical? Not so much.
Maybe I'm old fashion or brainwashed by movies but I believe this is completely possible and I will accept nothing less. Obviously it's different when you first meet but once you're in an established relationship, seeing other people should cease.
Anyhow, done ranting now. Tonight (or I should say, This Afternoon) I'm meeting the girls for cocktails. Drunken debauchery and antics will ensue. Happy Friday!
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2 comments:
Everyone to their own! I think women are more or less naturally monogamous. I think it has to do with their instinct to provide for their children. Men are not mongamous and the only reason they would cross that line into marriage would be because they fear the risk of losing her. Men are territorial like that. Live with a man and expect him to pop the question? Not likely...he has all the perks of marriage without the responsibilities.
Open relationships are icky! Happy Friday, don't drink too much!
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