In an attempt to assauge the mild guilt over blowing off a potential friend, I related the story to several female friends. All of them came to the same conclusion: guys do not understand girls. No, I shouldn't have agreed to go to his place when my only motive was to kick his ass MarioKart and had no desire to make out. It sent the wrong message. But women are good at sending mixed messages, because to us it is not really that mixed.
We like you. As a friend. On paper, we'd like you a lot more, but there's either a lack of attraction or a lack of chemistry that we just can't get past. Sorry.
Wanna hear a secret, men, that will blow your minds?
Women are often willing to go on a second or third date with a guy they don't like. Why? Because if on paper we are compatible and all that's lacking is attraction or chemistry, we see potential. Not potential to change the guy, but potential for attraction to grow, for sparks to kindle.
Most of us are not attempting to lead you on. We just want to be sure there's nothing before we end it for good. Sometimes we immediately find guys attractive. Other times, it takes weeks or even years of knowing a guy before we really fall for them. No one expects you to wait around that long, but if there might be a chance we want to try it out.
Sadly, this leads to various third-date "nope it's not happening" situations that men loathe. "But she was so flirty, so fun!" they'll say. Maybe so, but she's decided you are only compatible as friends. She likes you as a person, enjoys your company, and laughs at your jokes. But for whatever reason, she doesn't want your tongue in her mouth. Get over it.
It maybe more obvious when a guy "is just not that into" girls. Guys typically won't go on a first date with a girl they're not attracted to (unless it is a blind date or online date situation). Sorry we're more difficult, guys, but it's not that complicated. We give ourselves multiple chances to reevaluate our feelings or attraction level and if nothing changes, it ain't gonna happen.
So there's my two cents. Feel free to chime in.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
You girls though have a ton of trouble figuring out the guys that want to screw you for a few months, but don't really like you as a person all that much. Blogger is littered with women who have been permanently mind-fucked by guys like that, so don't make it seem like men are the only dopes out there :)
And most of us guys are pretty familiar with the borderline dating scenario. I look at it as an opportunity to show that my manly cunning, chivalry, and machismo outweigh the fact that a girl isn't totally sold on the looks. Because from our end, that's what it seems like. :)
I think it's well worth giving guys a second date to see - I quite often find that guys grow on me (as it were...)
The problem with the familiar "take a few dates to see" scenario is that generally we guys are the ones paying for those dates, so we end up feeling used when it appears after 3 dates that the girl was never really interested. My solution is to always try to get physical on the second date, even though I would otherwise be happy to wait, to flush out whether she's real.
Post a Comment